Origins of Toys

If you believe the advent of sex toys is a modern phenomenon … think again. The Ancient Roman’s are credited as the first people to invent sex toys on a mass scale, although we can be reasonably sure that they existed in one form or another well before that time. There exist many artifacts and documents to support the view that sexual pastimes in were often highly “organized” and inventive with orgiastic rituals and other activities, often involving the use of dildos and other phallic objects. Roman women had a certain amount of freedom (including sexual freedom) not found in other ancient cultures, at least during the period following Julius Caesar – the Empire Period. This led to the invention of sexual instruments for women to use, perhaps for those whose husbands were away at war.

As an Intimacy Coach I am frequently asked, “Which type of sex toy do your recommend?” There is no one simple answer to this question. Before we get into specifics about which toy or toys might be suitable for you, there are a few questions you should ask yourself and/or partner before choosing which toy to start or add to your collection.

Why Buy Sex Toys?

Why would anyone want to buy and use a sex toy? There are many reasons, some being that they:

Add variety (supposedly “the spice of life”) and fun to the sex life of you and your partner; they can be used during intercourse, or foreplay, or both.

Make a great partner substitute for periods when in-between (or instead of) sexual relationships.

Are a great way to receive stimulation that may otherwise be difficult to sustain (fewer aching jaws and hands!)

Reach spots that a partner may not be able (or want) to reach; an example of this might be anal toys.

Can assist in situations where one partner requires more attention than the other is able to give (multiple orgasms can be VERY tiring!)

Are great for those times when one partner “wants to” and the other partner doesn’t or can’t.

Promote good health. An orgasm releases stress and tension, and is a great way to start the day or as a “night cap” to help sleep. Dealing with sexual frustration will allow a person to deal with all the other issues that they have to contend with. At the same time, while they are separated from a partner, or have no current partner, they can be satisfied without having to risk cheating or getting a STD from some person they met at the bar.

Some of the specific ways that sex toys can be used to pleasure women are …

Clitoral Stimulation:

There are many women cannot achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation; most positions for vaginal intercourse do not provide sufficient stimulation to the clitoris. Toys can also provide the extra stimulation that touching or oral sex does. Anyone who has used a vibrator will be able to tell you that they often induce the most intense orgasms. Most, if not all, new vibrators and powered toys have intensity adjustments to suit personal preferences and sensitivity. A toy can bring a woman to orgasm in as little as a few minutes, as she learns from experience what she likes.

Multiple Orgasms:

Most women who use sex toys have quickly learned that they are a great way to achieve multiple orgasms. Depending on the versatility of the toy, there are many different kinds of orgasms. A vaginal orgasm is very different from a clitoral orgasm, which again is very different from an anal orgasm. Imagine having a toy that has the dependability to be able to last long enough to help you achieve all three in one night, or even better, all three at the same time, repeatedly…

Helping Out:

Some women require a lot of stimulation, over a long period, to be able to reach climax. Many men on the other hand are unable to last long periods in a single go. Wouldn’t it be great to have something that can keep you hot while your partner takes a breather waiting to go again? Whether its there to keep you going, or to get you there, it can result in a greater sexual experience. You will be satisfied, and your partner won’t feel inadequate because you didn’t enjoy the encounter as much as he did. In most cases, removing this stress will be enough to improve the experience for both partners.

Some of the specific ways that sex toys can be used to pleasure men are …

Creating Orgasms:

Vibrating toys can be used to help a man achieve orgasm when held against his shaft, gland’s head or testicles. These orgasms are often easy to come by, intense, and can come in multiples. Different types of stimulation can bring him pleasures that he has never known before!

Improving Orgasms:

Whether with a partner, or by himself, a vibrating toy can serve as a side dish, instead of being the main dish. It can be used to improve masturbation, a hand job, oral sex, and even intercourse. A particular type of toy, the “cock ring” has recently been combined with a vibrator. This combo toy vibrates the entire penis, stimulating it, and turning it into a vibrator for his partner. Although some men are freaked out by anal play, the prostate gland remains one of the best ways to turn a regular orgasm into an incredible experience. Having some play in that area does not in any way question a man’s sexuality, and can bring him into a world of orgasms so intense that he will be exhausted afterwards.

Achieving Erections:

Whether a man is having trouble getting his first erection or fifth, there are few ways better than a vibrator to resuscitate his interest. The toy can become a regular part of foreplay, and can help him to be able to have marathon sex.

For most people, choosing a sex toy is a very personal experience. It involves finding the products that meet their needs, which can be daunting given the thousands of varieties available. From large and powerful, to small and dainty, there are sex-toys for everyone; they are available in every conceivable type, shape, size and price.

Choosing Sex Toys

How do you go about choosing the sex-toy(s) that is right for you and yours? Before we get into specifics about which toy or toys might be suitable for you, there are a few questions you should ask yourself and/or partner.

• Intended Use: Who will be using the toy?
• Function: What do you want the toy to do for you?
• Styles: What do you want the toy to look like?
• For Men: Is anything available?
• Prices: What you will get for your money?

Intended Use:

Who will be using the toy? Is it for you alone, or do you hope to use it with a partner? Is your partner male or female? Are they familiar with adult toys, or are they comfortable with experimenting? Do you anticipate that they might be intimidated?

If you plan to introduce a new sex toy to a partner, but you’re unsure how they will react, you might want to look at “Introducing a Sex Toy to Your Partner”.

Function:

What do you want the sex toy to do for you?

Vibrators can be a good arousal stimulator, helping you achieve orgasm by yourself or with a partner, or simply to massage aching muscles. Do you enjoy deep, hard pressure and penetration? Maybe a dildo would be a good choice. Maybe you would prefer the sensual touch of external stimulation? Then maybe a vibrator would work best. Perhaps you would like a combination of the two. A good guide is to ask yourself what kind of stimulation you enjoy during sex with a partner. For example, do you like light/indirect or moderate/direct stimulation?

Styles:

Since sex toys come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors and styles, the next question you should ask yourself is what you want your toy to look like.

Do you want your vibrator or dildo to look real? If so, there are several available in the “ultra-realistic” category that look exactly like a real penis. They are often formed from a cast, which was taken of a real penis. They are colored to look like a penis, and include all the veins and ridges a real penis would have. They are usually made from silicone or Cyberskin, which are the most realistic looking and feeling materials available.

On the other side of the spectrum, there are vibrators and dildos that look nothing like a real penis. They may have a phallic shape, but can be brightly colored in all kinds of different shades. Instead of ridges and bumps, they have smooth shafts.

Think about what would turn you on the most. Some people prefer the realistic adult toys, and some do not. It’s just a matter of preference.

For Men:

There are sex toys available that are specifically designed for men.

Men have traditionally been “left out” when it comes to sex toys, but this seems to be changing. Of course, erection pumps have been available for quite some time, but that was about it. Men can now enjoy sleeves (which are designed to enhance masturbation), cock rings (which help control erection by slipping tightly over the penis), ticklers (which slip over the penis to heighten pleasure for the user and their partner), and extenders (which extend the length of the penis). Dual vibrators are also designed to stimulate a man and his partner during intercourse.

Prices:

Do you have an idea of what you’ll spend, and what you’ll get for your money? Quality can vary greatly, so it is a good idea to know what to expect.

As it is in most industries, some companies focus on manufacturing high volume, lower priced products, and some produce higher quality, longer lasting products. We believe it is in your best interest to buy the highest quality adult toys you can afford. However, if you are unsure of a particular type of toy, you many want to experiment with a lower price model to see if you like it. Just bear in mind you might end up buying it again in a higher quality if you do like it.

It is important to know that different materials perform differently. Generally, sex toys are made out of plastic, silicone, jelly or latex, but there are more “exotic” materials out there such as metal, Cyberskin, acrylic, etc. Each material has different characteristics and different cleaning requirements; see the Toy Materials & Care section for more details.

A Sex Toy for your Partner?

Many couples have found that adult toys are a good way to keep their sex lives new and exciting. Usually there is no problem introducing a sex toy into a relationship. Partners are often aware of what the other person would or would not be into trying. Unless your partner has a specific aversion to sex toys, they’ll probably be willing to at least try one out. You always want to approach the subject openly, honestly and in a positive way. Communication is the best way to prevent any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Start by asking if they have ever thought about using a sex toy. If you are unsure how they’ll react, it’s a good idea to bring all this up before you buy a toy. Surprising your partner with your new sex toy might be fine, but it might not be a good idea if they’re not as open to the idea as you are. Use your judgment – it is always better to err on the side of caution.

If your partner is open to the idea of using a sex toy, you can start by browsing sex toy catalogs with them. Explore the categories together and find out what interests them, and what interests you. It might be a learning experience for both of you. Starting with an online catalog or a printed catalog is better than bringing your partner to the local sex toy shop. Browsing online or in the privacy of your own home is much less stressful for the uninitiated than cruising the isles of the local sex shop.

Once you have an idea of what interests both of you separately, you will likely have a good idea which toy you want to try together. Is there one particular toy that appeals to both of you? Did your partner find something that he or she would like for themselves? Once you’ve both seen what is available you will likely have a good idea where to go from there.

Just remember that using a sex toy with a partner should be mutually satisfying. If you find something your partner absolutely hates, you probably would be best using it by yourself, and finding another toy to use together.

Types of Dildos

Most people understand the purpose of a vibrator, but fail to see the purpose of dildos since they do not actively do anything that you could not do yourself. The truth is; while the sensations that vibrators give are unique and pleasurable, they can be too intense for some people. Dildos offer a sense of fullness and allow people who enjoy penetrating others to do so without distracting vibrations, electrical cords or batteries.

Dildos, like most sex toys, are available in a wide variety of shapes, sizes and colors and are made from a wide variety of materials – each having its own unique characteristics. Some materials are better suited for anal play and others for vaginal use.

Choosing the Right Dildo:

It is no accident that there are a wide variety of shapes, sizes and materials to choose from. Certain materials are better suited for sharing with a partner, while other shapes are more appropriate for anal play. All this translates into different characteristics, and different care requirements. The first thing to figure out is what you are going to use the dildo for:

• Will you be using it yourself or sharing it?
• Is it going to be for vaginal, anal, or both?
• Do you care about cleaning difficulty?
• The properties of the materials used (soft/hard)?
• The flexibility of the dildo (bendable/rigid)?
• Does a realistic looking dildo turn you on or off?
• How big do you want it?

Answering these questions will help you narrow down the available options, making your search easier, and increase your chances of picking out a product that suits your needs.

Traditional Dildos:

Traditional Dildos are the most popular variety of dildos on the market. Although they are generally shaped like a man’s penis, the realism of each one can vary. On one end you have the ultra-realistic dildos, which are shaped and colored to look as close to a real penis as possible. Some dildos are even molded from the real thing! Porn stars have been lending their names, and their penises, for sex toy molding in recent years. On the other hand, there are dildos that are made from brightly colored material and do not look like a penis at all. Traditional dildos fall into a range of between 5″ up to as much as 18″ for some of the larger varieties.

Anal Dildos:

Anal Dildos are specifically designed for anal use. They are distinguishable from most other dildos because they usually have a larger base or a cord, so they do not get lost in the anus – not so amusing if it happens to you! If you plan to use a dildo anally, we would recommend getting one that is designed for that purpose, to avoid an embarrassing trip to the doctor. These include anything from somewhat normal dildos all the way to butt plugs.

Anal Beads:

Beads appeal to a wide variety of people and are a popular choice for anal play. Beads consist of a series of silicone, jelly or plastic spheres attached together by a cord. They are inserted one by one into the vagina or anus, and then slowly removed creating pleasurable sensations. A great application is using them to stimulate a man’s prostate gland right at the peak of orgasm. This extra stimulation will take a man from cloud 9 to cloud 99, as long as he is ok with the idea.

Strap-On Dildos:

Strap-On Dildos are dildos that can be attached to a harness. Harnesses usually require that the dildo have a flat or flared base to be able to stay attached. The dildo is inserted through a hole in the harness, and then the harness can be strapped onto the user. Many people enjoy the role-playing and variety potential of a strap-on. Some lesbian couples enjoy penetrating their partners with strap-ons. Some women enjoy penetrating their male partners, while some men like to penetrate their partners anally and vaginally at the same time.

Types of Vibrators

Choosing the Right Vibrator:

Due to the large variety of products, most people feel overwhelmed by the choices when shopping for a vibrator. Whether the toy is meant to pleasure a man, a woman, or both, virtually every niche has been covered!

It is no accident that there are a wide variety of shapes, sizes and materials to choose from. Certain materials are better suited for sharing with a partner meanwhile certain shapes are more appropriate for anal play. All this translates into different characteristics, and different care requirements.

The first thing to figure out your preferences and what you are going to use it for:

• Will you be using it yourself or sharing it?
• Is it going to be for vaginal, penile, anal, or all?
• Do you care about cleaning difficulty?
• The properties of the materials used (soft/hard)?
• The flexibility of the vibrator (bendable/rigid)?
• Does a realistic looking vibrator turn you on or off?
• How big do you want it?
• What’s your price range?
• What kind of power supply do you want?

Although answering these questions will help narrow down the selection, you may want to continue reading for more information.

Traditional Vibrators:

Traditional vibrators are typically shaped like a penis and range from 5 to 8 inches in length. Although available in virtually any color or material, they are typically hard plastic and offer control of the intensity of a steady vibration. They are a good choice for beginners as they can be some of the most affordable toys.

G-Spot Vibrators:

Close cousins to traditional vibrators, g-spot vibrators are shaped and sized similarly. The main difference between the two is that g-spot vibrators have a curve at the end to make hitting the g-spot that much easier. They are available in all shapes, sizes, and colors..

Clitoral Vibrators:

Clitoral vibrators make up a large genre in the vibrator world. Having direct clitoral stimulation in mind, these toys have been known to put the O back into orgasm. Products within this class range from mini non-insertable vibrators to attachments to traditional vibrators. The mini vibes are great because they can be taken anywhere and often lack the appearance of insertable toys. The combo toys on the other hand are useful in the way that they offer the full experience.

Bullet Vibrators:

Although small and relatively simple, bullets not only hold a strong punch, but usually have a variety of vibration modes on top of the intensity dial. Despite being attached to a power chord, the bullets are incredibly versatile and definitely get the job done.

Hands-Free Vibrators:

Also known as Venus or Butterfly Vibrators, these toys are designed to directly stimulate the clitoris without using your hands. They are generally available with leg straps or a suction pump system. They are a great way to spice up your sex life, as they can stimulate a woman’s clitoris while leaving her vagina exposed for other stimulation.

Anal Vibrators:

Many people make the mistake that any vibrator can be used vaginally or anally. Although virtually any object similar to a dildo can be put through a hole of sufficient size, anal vibrators are designed with flared bottoms, or pull strings, to avoid them from getting lost… As funny as it sounds, it happens more commonly then you would think. Whether for a male or female, anal vibrators can greatly increase your stimulation during masturbation, foreplay, or intercourse.

Multi-Purpose Vibrators:

Multi-purpose vibrators are designed to stimulate more then one area at a time. Unsurprisingly, a lot of time and effort has gone into designing these products. Some of the more basic models for females include traditional vibrator extensions like clit ticklers, suction, and anal stimulators. Meanwhile, some of the more advanced models can spin and penetrate! Male toys are no less impressive. There are pumps available that suck, stroke and vibrate all at the same time.

Sleeves:

Ranging from a plastic shell, all the way to a full molded mouth, head or torso, sleeves are a good choice for men looking for a hands-off experience. They vary in depth (usually between 4-8 inches) and most commonly vibrate. More advanced toys have suction, can stroke, and even spin. A word for the wary, sleeves are amongst the most difficult toys to clean, so keep that in mind when considering this type of product.

Vibrator Kits:

With so much variety, it’s difficult to choose a product when you know what you like, let alone when you are just starting out. Luckily, there are kits you can buy that come with several types of vibrators, a few sleeves of various shapes and sizes to put over the vibrators, and some lubricant. Larger kits include different products like blindfolds, beads, paddles, cuffs, and much more. Buying the kit can not only save you money, but expose you to new products so you can further explore your sexuality.

Toy Materials & Care

Sex Toys are made from numerous types of material. Each material has its unique advantages and disadvantages as follows:

Plastic:

Plastic is ideal for transmitting vibrations. The motor inside a hard plastic vibrator does not have to work as hard as a motor inside a vibrator made of softer materials. The vibrations in a hard plastic vibrator are also going to be a bit more intense than in a jelly vibrator. On the other hand, vibrators made from a combination of materials, say hard plastic and jelly for example, can offer many more options than a vibrator made from just plastic. Clitoral stimulators, rotating beads and oscillating tips are features that require the use of several materials.

Plastic sex toys are usually hard and perfectly smooth, though a few models have textured shafts. Plastic is a popular (and traditional) material for vibrators; they are sleekly styled and easy to clean.

Plastic vibrators are well suited for direct clitoral and both internal and external stimulation. Cleaning is a breeze requiring only a wet washcloth, some sex toy cleaner, or a tissue soaked in rubbing alcohol. As most plastic vibrators are not waterproof, they should not normally be washed in water. Check out waterproof vibrators if you want one that you could use in the bath, or that you can under clean under running water.

Silicone:

Silicone is a very lifelike material, (second only to Cyberskin); it looks and feels real. Silicone vibrators come in all colors, shapes and sizes. It has a few advantages over latex and jelly. Silicone material is relatively non-porous, making it easy to clean; all it requires soap and hot water, and can actually be boiled or put in the dishwasher (though this should not be done with a silicone vibrator, due to it’s internal mechanics). Silicone warms to the body quickly and retains heat, which adds to the realistic feel.

As Silicone is non-porous nature, it is less likely to trap and spread germs amongst users who are sharing (assuming they aren’t using a condom – which IS recommended). Silicone is a high quality material that lasts longer, but is generally more expensive than latex or jelly.

Jelly:

Jelly toys are similar to silicone in feel and look, although they are not quite as smooth and lifelike. However, jelly is a much cheaper material and offers most of the benefits of silicone. Also, jelly is flexible – though not quite as much so as silicone. Jelly toys are available in many colors.

Jelly is relatively porous, so toys should not be shared unless a condom is used. Jelly will degrade if exposed to a non-water based lubricant or rubbing alcohol, so always use a water based (NOT oil) lubricant. The porous nature of jelly makes it harder to remove germs from the surface. The best way to clean jelly toys is with a cleaner specifically designed for sex toys; soap and water will work, but will not sterilize the surface.

Latex:

Most sex toys are made from latex, as it is a low cost option compared to silicone and jelly. Latex is a bit less flexible than silicone and jelly, and does not last as long. Latex is also quite porous and therefore not as easy to clean as some materials. Use a condom if you share a latex toy. Latex toys can be cleaned with soap and warm water. Some people are allergic to latex. If you or your partner is allergic to latex condoms, you might want to try a toy made of silicone or jelly.

Other:

Acrylic is a form of special plastic. It can be very beautiful as it has visual properties similar to glass. Acrylic toys are durable and easy to clean.

Cyberskin/Ultra Skin are the closest you can get to the look and feel of real skin. New (relatively expensive) materials, they are soft, flexible, and smooth and feel like skin. They are porous like latex and jelly, so should be cleaned with special solution, or at least carefully with soap and warm water, and powdered after washing with cornstarch to keep the material supple. It is also highly recommended that you store Cyberskin in an airtight container to prevent mold from forming.

Sex Toy Hygiene

The basic rule of thumb is that you do not want to do anything with a sex toy that you would not do with part of your body. Using a sex toy with a separate condom for each partner will help avoid spreading unwanted bacteria or viruses – just as wearing a condom will during sex.

If neither partner is concerned about transferring or catching any diseases, then it is probably safe to use an adult toy without a condom. Obviously, the same rules apply to using adult toys as it does to having intercourse – avoid contact with semen if you are concerned about pregnancy, and don’t put your sex toy anywhere you wouldn’t put say, your tongue or your penis without protection.

Also, avoid using your sex toys (or anything else for that matter) anally, and then inserting it directly from the anus into the vagina. It’s very important to avoid exposing your, or someone else’s vagina to the E. coli bacteria that resides in the anus. While not harmful to the anus, E. coli can cause urinary tract infections if it is allowed to grow in the vagina. If you want to use your sex toys in other areas after anal play, either use a condom or wash it thoroughly. In this case, it might be best to have a variety of toys, so that you don’t have to continually interrupt play to carry out cleaning.

Adapted from Kimberly Geissler’s Article “Sex Toy Basics”