Q. My boyfriend wants to tie me up and blindfold me but isn’t that kinky? ~Jen B.
A. Sure some consider this to be kinky, but what’s wrong with kinky? My theory is if you enjoy it and no one is being forced into anything they don’t want to do, then go for it. There are a lot of things that people consider kinky until they try them and realize it was more the fear of the unknown. If you do some research, you’ll learn that being tied up and blindfolded by your partner is mild on the BDSM continuum. The most important factor is that you and your partner have developed a level of trust where you feel comfortable giving up some control. Without trust, you are not likely to have a pleasurable experience. If my partner wouldn’t let me do the same thing to him, I would give some hesitation before saying yes.
So with that said, there are fantastic reasons to play with restraints and blindfolds. First off, when you are restricted from using your body, all focus becomes about your pleasure in the moment. It puts you in a position to simply receive whatever your partner offers. This can be playful tickling with a feather, a sensual massage, a naughty little spanking, or oral pleasure from head to toe. When one gives up control and can relax into the experience, pleasure becomes more of a full body experience.
Using a blindfold in lovemaking play involves a high level of trust. By removing the sense of sight, the sensitivity of your other senses, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, will increase and become more acute. When you aren’t able to see what will happen next, your anticipation increases and as you begin to use those other senses, your sensitivity and the pleasure you receive becomes amplified. Touch especially will become much more errogenous. How fun is that! Another benefit with any type of play where you let go of control is it can strengthen your relationship and deepen both intimacy and trust between you and your partner. What an amazing gift to give yourself.
Before you begin, create a safe word with your partner that either of you can say to stop the play activity. The word means everyone has to stop what they are doing. This is a general rule with BDSM activities because sometimes in role playing and fantasy, participants may be acting out, resisting a partner. The fantasy acting can include words like NO and Stop, which is why it is important to make the safe word something out of the ordinary and non-sexual. Words like blueberry, car, or green are easy safe words. They may sound silly now, but will be very clear in the moment if anyone is feeling uncomfortable about anything and wants to stop.
What do you use to tie each other up? Use your imagination. Do you have any nylons or stockings? Does he have any business ties? Pick up yourself some fun furry cuffs and satin blindfolds. Consider getting yourself some playful accessories and attire to make your partner squirm and squeal with delight.
Finally, start slow. Take it in steps. Start with tying only one hand and do so loosly where you can get out if you want to. From there, decide if you want to be more restricted with tighter ties or try other body parts tied-up. You can negotiate and discuss boundaries and fantasies, and once you trust that your partner won’t do anything you aren’t up for, the possibilities are unlimited!
Angela, The Goddess Next Door